Time to Listen

To listen is very hard because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, welcome, and accept. – Henri Nouwen

I’ve wasted a lifetime of energy trying to force people to understand me. As if I could force understanding. Forcing understanding is like trying to force a child to eat. The child becomes increasingly stubborn, and the meal becomes a battle of wills. So it is with understanding. We can’t force others to understand us. We have to create an appetite for understanding. Shoveling empty and tasteless words will not create this appetite. We create an appetite for understanding by creating a welcoming space. We do this by listening. We earn the right to speak by listening.

We live in a world filled with monologues and diatribes. It feels like everyone is talking, and no one is listening. The above Henri Nouwen quote suggests we lack the “interior stability” needed to listen. I think there is some truth to that. Look at the recent election as an example. The only thing commentators agreed on was that both parties were unstable and on the brink of self-destruction. Could both parties lack the “interior stability” to listen to and understand the other party? Better yet, let’s make this more personal. Could we lack the interior stability to listen to each other? Are we trying to force our messages on each other?

Here’s my New Year’s prayer. I pray that we will do the interior work needed to be secure and thus secure enough to listen to each other. I pray that the need to be understood will wither while the need to understand grows. I pray that we will stop fighting and start healing. I pray that we will be united rather than divided. I pray that we will listen. I pray for acceptance. Shalom.